6 seasons of Sex in the City and a hand full of job applications later . . .
It’s October and I’m in between the in between career
change. Six months late to be exact. It’s taken me some time to understand that
a full-time job with benefits does not define me. Neither should a part-time or
independent work do the same. But somehow, it still affects my emotions.
I feel undervalued to my counterparts with happy homes and babies. But before throwing in the towel and giving up on building an empire, I’m pushing some last-minute strings to make it happen. Watching Sex in the City surprisingly enough has reminded me of my independent personality and drive to do my own thing as I see fit.
Yeah it’s a fake show. But there’s some truth to it.
Like the pressure as a woman to be a certain way just
because she is X amount old. Or being in a relationship that then leads to the question
where’s the ring? And how long have you been together? Only to disappoint them
with the short not yet response so that they move on to another more hopefully
Aside from that, I’ve come to the acceptance that some dreams require more effort than others. The rest of this year will be dedicated to rebooting my physical health, re-centering my inner being and rejuvenating my partner to his fullest potential.
Because in the end, we are the only constants in our life daily.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Writing new songs.
Building more clients for T.I.
A blueprint for MMA.
Some REAL contact with humans (enough of this closed American
And a whole lot of berry shots and coffee cups in the Morning.
That’s what the Sex in the City gal in me wants to feel proud to be.
For me, 2018 marks the end of self-doubt. I made a drastic
change after hitting rock bottom and decided to go full blast on dreams and
aspirations. An immediate learning curb took place and reality of it meant hard
work and time management WAS and IS going to be essential for success.
I learned I was internally wounded and set time aside to
make sure I didn´t continue to hurt those around me.
I learned my soul does not belong trapped in a cubicle.
I learned failing many times helps become a well-rounded
I learned how to sleep. Yes, sleep!
I learned to focus on what I love – training in MMA, creative
and songwriting, interpreting and helping those who need help the most.
I learned that although my family broke, it does not mean we
Most importantly, I learned not to stress over circumstances I cannot control.
The importance of reflection throughout the year can bring a lot of correction on how you want to live. I think it’s a practice we should learn to have especially during times we are struggling. A lot of people around me my age are having their second baby and have stable careers. My heart aches for the cuteness of it all. But, at the same time, I know I am not meant to be on that path yet. That is a different kind of struggle and joy. To be a parent and balance life and work. Sleepless nights and routine work days to make sure your children are raised in the best environment possible. Parents are superheroes on steroids. I’m happy to see my friends create these homes, but I know my journey does not entail this wonderful lifestyle just yet.
Putting a family and home on HOLD by choice is not easy. Especially when it’s all you see around you. But it is clear to me that taking risks and finding passion in what I do is more important than anything else in the world. I can always fall back on a 9-5 job because I’ve done it. Despite the stigma behind it, I can choose to have my first baby in my 30s because that’s when I know I’ll be ready. Society does not and should not dictate who you are or what you need to do. We are all just a life passing through this world and as time goes by, so does our ability to live a full and happy life. I can still remember writing the date 01/21/1998 back in Charles Bursch Elementary school during a spelling bee test. Fast forward and press play to 2019 and I’m still dreaming the same dreams: on stage performing, traveling the world, writing and publishing, connecting on a large scale with the poor, meeting new people and helping them on their journey. I mean, who day dreams that daily and does not act on it? Me, for 20 years. It’s time.
So, lets go 2019!! Checklist:
Vocal coach on deck 🎤
EP & Music Video Release!🎶
Sub Publishing deal what’s up? 💸
LIVE show somewhere somehow! 💃
State and Federally Certified Interpreter (why not? My concussion symptoms were SO like, years ago) 🤝
Software and technology time – in Music and Translating (home studio woot woot) 🎛⚖
Mark Daniel’s Foundation – fundraising ideas in ACTION! 💰
My goals fully exposed! YUP! Why?
“Don’t tell people your plans. Show them Your results”
“Work hard in silence. Let success make the noise”
“Achieving permanent goals in silence is better than
displaying temporary feelings in public…”
I see and hear theses sayings all the time. But WHY? Why do you have to be quiet about your goals? Why are we all socially connected but spiritually disconnected? Why are we afraid to FAIL and have people see us FAIL? Why can’t I share with you my thoughts? Why should I let fear of judgment stop me?
Cant’s and Don’ts have been in my vocabulary for SO LONG! I’ve
learned to say, “why not?” to all of it and it is getting me to places I
thought I would never reach! I invite all of you to try it 😊
I think it’s better to help each other through success and failure.
Have dialogue. Tell each other the good and the bad. Build tolerance and really
HEAR what we are saying, without blindly moving on.
Together let’s try to make 2019 about REAL connections, not profile ones!