Women relationships. How do we go from territorial to empowerment?
When I was in high school, I received constant bullying from insecure girls, and it minimized me to the point of avoiding relationships with girls all together. I became a “tomboy” but not really because I wasn’t sporty when I was younger. I surrounded myself with guys because it was easier and felt less threatening. In the long run, it became damaging not having girls in my life. There’s no real high-level connection with men without collateral damage of some sort. Whether it be that they get married and have kids, changing the dynamic of the relationship, or the unfortunate closeness causing a tip over into romance and losing the friendship. One way or another, the strong friendship yearned is unstable between men and women for the most part. Not impossible, but improbable. Girlfriends are the obvious choice if you want to have real close connections with similarities and support but for some reason, we sometimes make it impossible to sustain. We are highly emotional creatures with complex and powerful energy that can either uplift or drown those around us. How do we harness that energy for good?
In reflection, I allowed the bullying to sever my ability to form healthy relationships with other women well into my mid-twenties. The few girls that I did have in my life were connections at a surface level. I couldn’t let anyone in because the moment there was one minor setback or wrongdoing, I’d bail. It’s easier to run than to resolve conflict. We do this daily with other aspects of our life. Vacations from work. Family we don’t see because we cut ties. Or romantic relationships we end early because we see one thing we don’t like and move on to the next. The balance between understanding change and growth with or without selected relationships feels like a lifetime journey to get a hold of.
Specifically, womenship. I’m learning that day by day forming this type of relationship takes nurturing and a subtle approach so that it may be sustainable in the long run. If you have a strong sense of identity, it’s easier to be open to all kinds of women relationships, even if they are not where you are. The minute you become vulnerable, walls go up and you once again pull back to a safe bubble so that you may not lose sight of your well-being. I’m sure this is not true for all, but for me, it has been a push and pull with all relationships honestly. It’s important to not be extreme on either side. I no longer do cut offs where it’s not necessary. Sometimes space helps. Learning to be there when someone needs you. Also, a huge learning curve for me. My social cues are not the best. I require a lot of verbal communication to see what is in front of me but that’s okay. Because those friendships that understand you will be willing to stick around and be patient. And the ones that don’t mesh with you will move on.
That’s right. The second most heartbreaking end in women relationships. The best girlfriend that is no longer there. We grow, we change and sometimes that doesn’t look the same anymore for the both of you. At the end of the day, I think it’s important to know when to let go and be open to whatever comes your way while you heal the new absence. I’m not too sure if any of this makes sense. It is something I contemplate in my own life, so I know I’m not the only one. I never am. As unique as each of us are, we are not that different. What’s great is that life continues, and we can move however we please. Meaning temporary shifts are in our own control and when we are ready, we move forward with creating a healthier environment for sisterhood. At least trying to create that space for ourselves is a huge step and when ready, can probably form long-lasting friendships. Accepting that we are in different stages of our lives can help us leave open the opportunity to form these relationships even if it is at a slow pace. It’s easy to close of and be protective. I’ve been there. But knowing that fear can pass as you grow internal awareness is a gift. Tread lightly with self-care and anything is possible.
M.