I’m finding out love REALLY IS the answer to all hurtles.
I’m becoming who I am and not catering to others wants or needs – truly becoming it and not just expressing it.
7 months later, I’m barely feeling healed from total BURN OUT.
And I see this is the case for so many people. We experience anxiety and stress due to personal/work/life and somehow, convince ourselves this is the way to be. We continue turning the wheel that we did not create and hope that our insanely short breaks from it will be enough to recharge and go back to the same life.
I used to think. Why can’t I be like those who dedicate their lives to the system? Why don’t I want the same lifestyle? Why can’t I? Do things the right way?
And then. The fog cleared and I was awake for the first time since. God. The last time I FELT life? No one is happy being slaves to the system. We are just good pretenders, sometimes. We are brain washed as soon as our backpacks are placed in our tiny little backs and told, go to school. Go learn how to be a statistic.
Anything outside of it is wrong. Extreme. Anarchy. Fear instilled in us as soon as we question authority.
But today I find myself seeing so clearly what my value is and how I want to live.
When you get close to losing your life more than once, perspective really shifts. Fuck. If you are reading this. You are soooooo lucky. I am so lucky. To be here breathing.
No. I never want to work for an employer again if not on my own terms. I want to work for myself.
No. I don’t want to buy a house I can’t afford and mask it as, everyone is doing it and you pay it for the rest of your life. I never want to owe anyone anything for wanting to simply live.
No. I do not want meaningless work and to be another number in your incredibly inefficient “work more make less” system.
I don’t want to climb a ladder I don’t believe in. I just want to finally be me.
Life needs Life. We need each other to be honest and close. Somehow, we lose that to social pressures and “lifestyle” when in reality, all the fortune we think we are building is just a game we win temporarily before we pass on and it goes back to the illicit pot. Your entire life dedicated to something that’s not yours.
Then time spent on it is gone. Unretainable. But finally, I know what question I want to answer daily now. How do you want to spend your time in this life of yours?
For me. . . it brings me to feeling Happiness again after losing it for so long. I want to help people around me feel better, make connections in meaningful and not mundane ways. Lastly and possibly the most pressing realization is that, I want to dedicate my time following my heart/intuition wherever it wants to lead me. Making others feel good more than not. Love. Just love. Naturally, when you are finally in tune with your Soul, the signs become transparent. Colors become vibrant, and life becomes just that more beautiful to live.
Don’t be the “best” version of yourself anymore. Just BE.
M.
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