The practice of losing control and learning to take it back.
As women, we still seem to face pressure in being seen as “crazy” or “over emotional” beings. Dramatic. Etc.
The truth is far from these negative connotations.
I’m learning that “sensitivity” is a false construct we’ve placed as a description to try to avoid the stronger emotions we feel. Over “insert emotion here”. Even for men; who face the other side of the token. Of not being allowed to express themselves because they might be seen as “not strong” or “manly”.
So where is the balance? How do we begin to accept each other as is?
I’ve always thought that I’m a highly vulnerable person and I still sometimes find myself trying to shut down these emotions. Especially during hard times which is just part of life. The more experiences we collect, the more our body numbs and creates suffering. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
The range of emotions and level of intensity in each of us is unlimited.
If we accept and open ourselves to this concept and see how unified we really are no matter where we are in the stage of our living, we would be more likely than not in peace.
Meaning, don’t be so hard on yourself and others around you. Which reminds me, I’ve always hated the concept, “good vibes ONLY” or “get rid of toxic people in your life”.
The fact is, the “bad” need kindness the most. I know that it takes a special type of person to be able to remain friends or part of someone’s life who is going through a dark period. Because you have yourself to protect as well. Boundaries are important. And it’s not an expectation to be had. But. Let me tell you this short story.
In high school, I use to sit next to a boy who had a crush on me in a lab class. He use to try to talk to me and asked me out a few times but I had no interest. Eventually, I began to ignore him and basically shut him out, even as a friend. One day, he turned to me and shared that he was going to join a gang and that he was going to get initiated that night. Whatever that meant; I didn’t know at the time. He continued by saying that if I were to be his GF, he would not go. I said nothing and continued to work because. Well. I didn’t want to be his GF firstly. But also, I just didn’t know what to say.
The next day, he didn’t show. Days passed, his seat empty. Eventually I found out that he had been shot and killed during his “initiation” to the gang.
I felt tremendous guilt at the time for not accepting or talking to him that day. Why couldn’t I just be friendly or kind? Maybe he wouldn’t have gone. . . next self blame thought to infinity.
As an adult obviously I recognize I’m not to blame for what happened nor do I feel responsible for someone else’s life. BUT. I’ve learned that sometimes in life, being an ear to someone else’s troubles can be a huge impact in THEIR life. Rejection is an ugly critter. Even as adults; and a lot of the time, people just need that. A friend. Someone to talk to freely without feeling fear of judgement. Since then, I vowed to never turn my back on anyone who reaches out to me for help. Within my capabilities of course.
I do struggle still in seeing how this continues to happen even as adults. Where we find ourselves in work clicks, family clicks, government clicks, excluding certain people because they’re too X, Y, Z.
Have we not learned how to be inclusive yet? Far from it but . . . all I can end with is by saying.
Accept who you are. Positive self-talk is a thing now so embrace it. Dark shit matters too. Embrace that more. Especially in others. And stay coooool because Cali heat isn’t going anywhere!
M.
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