These last six months have flashed right before my eyes in what felt like micro-seconds. What’s next?
I’ve been asked a lot of different questions after quitting my full-time job as an administrator of claims. Why did you quit? Do you have another job lined up? What do you do if not work? What are you planning to do? What are you going to do about money? Is your boyfriend okay with it?
They were like sharp miniature knives going through my lungs and up to my heart. I can’t even remember what my responses were.
Well, here they are now, six months later and with intent.
I quit because I was sad. I also quit because I could. As I’ve mentioned in a previous blog, I hit a tipping point in my life where chasing money just didn’t make sense anymore. I had so much unresolved baggage that crumbled me to the point of wanting non-existence. I couldn’t smile. I couldn’t fake it anymore. I withdrew silently, and no one noticed. A perfect scenario for self-implosion.
No, I didn’t have another job lined up. I didn’t find it productive to go backwards and be miserable somewhere else.
What did I do the last six months? Where do I start! I cried and stayed in bed for days immediately after I quit. I felt like a failure. I felt like I was disappointing my family and my boyfriend. I couldn’t breath most days and for the most part, I was lost and trying to convince myself I did the right thing.
I went to Iceland alone. Hiding in my apartment wasn’t enough for someone trying to run away from her problems. I wanted to disappear without doing the deed. I rented a car and drove through the narrow roads of the 1 highway all through the south where the greenest mountains I have ever seen in my life live. I wrote. I meditated. I drank the purest water and I found my heart beat.
I continued to write songs and practiced most days as soon as I got back. I had sessions with my producer and went into the studio to continue recording. I learned that as much as I practice, my nerves take the best of me. My confidence determines my performance and I learned it’s what I need to sing well. I learned everything there is to know about the music business. From what it takes to make a record, to marketing, PR, sales and networking. I even learned about the legal affairs that go into music and finances. I can say with confidence that I am a “how music works” encyclopedia at this point.
I worked on my very own music video. Finally shot some of the scenes over the weekend and although stumbling to get there, it was a beautiful experience. I learned about filming, videography, crew, production, directing and just about everything else needed for a well-rounded shoot.
I worked on my website. I wrote blogs just like this one and every time I “work on it”, I learn something new.
I started working towards interpreting and translating again. After being terrified and giving up, I went back to it. I studied on and off for the certification which I plan to take this year. I took paid and unpaid interpreting assignments and I realized I’m more than capable of doing it.
I trained in MMA. Maybe not as much as I wish I did. But 3-4 times a week for 2-3 hours each day was the pattern. Cardio, Muay Thai, Kickboxing, Boxing, Brazilian Ju Jitsu. All of it (except no gi, maybe this year?).
I spent time with my mom and nephew. Most Wednesdays, I would help babysit and saw this little tiny human grow into this beautiful six-month-old baby whose teething and pooping by the minute.
I helped finish Mark’s website. Check it out! mdfmusic.org. I learned about fundraising opportunities and growth.
I planned to be happy again and feel stronger. Sometimes it feels like I did. Other days you can’t really tell. Looking back, I’m so much better than what I was then. I can talk to people and be genuine again. I finish what I start and physically I feel like a billion dollars.
Money! A terror turned into a tool. I had a savings that I decided to use for this time off and I’m so happy I took the risk and did it. I invested in myself and what I love. Every penny was worth it. I work smart and my boyfriend and I made sure we stayed above water with flying colors.
And my boyfriend? Was he okay with it? He was more than okay with it. My lifeline and the most supportive human being on this planet. He’s one of the kindest most generous people you can meet. Anyone who doesn’t see it is blind with their own image. He supports everything I do and believes I’ll have a remarkable success story no matter what path I choose. He is love.
And finally, what’s next? Savings run out. Bills need to be paid. My multiple “businesses” are start-ups and my deadline has arrived.
A few job opportunities await. Most importantly, my EP “No Longer Invisible” is COMPLETE. It’s the strangest most wonderful feeling. I have never felt this accomplished in my entire life! I can now work towards distribution and marketing. In the meantime, I will be a temp as an administrator once more. My heart did sink deep when I made this decision. But it’s funny how the universe works when you speak to it. This is how this happened.
I was having a conversation with my boyfriend about my deadline and financial options. I told him that the only way I would ever return to the claim’s world was if they paid me way more money than I was originally making and if it was from home or temporary. Six months tops. That’s it. That would be the ONLY scenario. He laughed with certainty like if he knew it could happen and he said okay.
It wasn’t more than two days later when some recruiter reached out to me and guess what. Offers me more money for a six-month contract. Dumb-founded I now struggle my way into that position because I said I would, and the universe has spoken.
My boyfriend put it in the best words possible. “God is giving you a second chance to make your dreams come true”.
We are letting it be and listening to our hearts. I love that. Because doing this automatically grants us success in anything we do. Even in what looks like “failures”.
With more money comes more investment opportunity. As a fan of Suze Orman and her work, I have learned so much about managing money correctly such as staying out of poor home debt or how to invest in your dream job. I honestly recommend her story to all the women out there who wish to be independent and financially strong. She has multiple books with great incite on financial stability.
Aside from that, I hope this also encourages you to take the time to silence your thoughts and listen to your voice. It has helped me copiously on finding my passion once more and I have no doubt in my mind it can do the same for you.