The psychedelic “experience”
The one that changed my thoughts and self forever.
It began with a sudden elevation and worldly exit just like the others. I entered the new dimension with ease and presence. I saw blocks of life forming in magnificence colors and shapes not recognizable by eyesight (It fills you with calm and collectivity). The sense of motion continued to elevate me higher and higher. Travelling at the speed of light; with light. And then, I’m There. In His presence.
Call it what you most identify with. God. Power. YHWH. The source of all creation. The Self maybe even? All I know is that I’m with God in his Space once more. For the 4th time since I’ve been with him through the portal of psychedelics.
(God I’m here. I need to talk to you.) He offered his Silence the first time.
Second trip; (ohhh hey I’m here again, Hello. Okay and I’m leaving. . . Bye!) He stayed Silent.
The third encounter; I ignored him. (This isn’t real) I think, and yes. He’s silent.
The fourth time. I’m feeling at home and stay quiet. He begins to speak to me in Abstract form. A form I’ve never sensed/heard/smelled/touched/seen before. I felt One with LOVE. The ego dissolved and it took my fear with it.
I continued to travel through the dimensions and left the space moments at a time. I returned 2 more times before the trip was over. A 45-minute session completed.
What does he/she/me look like you might ask? All I can do is describe what I saw/felt. There is an empty black unknown dimensional deep space. I knew I had passed the stars and planets (amazing feeling, by the way, to travel at the speed of light). Passed what we comprehend as a “location”. And you feel love. Unconditional-altruistic Love. Not the human love of family and spouses. Not the love of what some religions offer or a child’s love. (I grew up catholic and have had peaceful encounters through practice with God.) But this was not that.
This was a Powerful Self Love felt outside of your body and in connection with every living creature in the universes and counting.
I hear a distant voice indicating that the trip is over, and I rejoin the couch and observation area.
I remove my blindfold and headset. I look around and recognize where I am and my therapist. However, I no longer recognize me. For the first time ever. I accept my home that is this body. Because I understand that it is not mine to destroy.
He asks me, “how are you feeling?” We go in deep conversation for a while.
In the end he says, “So you came in here feeling frightened and anxious. Now you feel accepted and comforted?”
I smile. “Yes” –
This is the last week of treatment. My physical body has gone through a few aches and dizzy spells due to the shots. But it is nothing compared to what I have put it through before.
Now I feel as though I’m at the end of that dark tunnel. I can look back and not crumble. Today and the forever tomorrows will never be the same again. As J.K. Rowling put it through Harry Potter’s character, “It’s over. It’s just a memory now.”
I’ve been given a second chance in rebirth. Time to answer my calling.
(To be continued)
M.